Life Stuff

071013 Life stuff

After struggling with a witty title to tonight’s blog post, I just called it “life stuff” and decided to move forward and continue writing.  Perhaps at the end of the pomodoro I will come up with something that is a little more intriguing than “life stuff,” but I doubt it.

So…long story short, I had been dating this girl for a few months.  I was madly in love with her.  Last Monday, she told me that she wanted to “take a break.”  I agreed and after 9 days of not having any idea what is going on, I just spent two hours composing a letter to her.

My initial thought was that I was going to provide a handwritten letter, but I deleted a text message with her address and I had no other record of it.  While I figured I could find it easily online, I just decided to send the letter via facebook.  Tasteless?  Perhaps…

Without spilling all the details of the letter, it pained me to write it.  I was madly in love with this girl.  Am I still madly in love with this girl?  It’s very difficult.   The fact that I wrote her the letter is not so outrageous, but the content of the letter was a little different.

In this letter, I “stood up for myself.”  The abrupt nature of the “break” with no explanation left me initially dumbfounded last Monday.  After analyzing the situation and praying for guidance, things seem to make a little more sense now, even though my heart hurts tremendously.

After 9 days of a “break” without understanding the nature behind the break made me realize that I simply don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that engages in behavior like this.  I find being on the receiving end of this type of behavior stressful. 

Personally, my experience leads me to believe that relationships can be difficult and require work.  While, this certainly isn’t desirable, my personal opinion is that this is wholly realistic and should be expected in relationships.  Relationships and life aren’t always easy.

We seemed to have drastically different communication styles and that’s perfectly ok.  We already appeared to be going in different directions and this “break” seemed to be the very thing that occurred to facilitate growing even further apart.  I wrote the letter asking her to consider the letter an official termination of our relationship.

This was extraordinarily difficult because I was/am madly in love with her.  However, this formal nature of the process on my end seemed gentlemanly and proper.  It is the way of the hopeless romantic in the 21st century, I suppose.  Many acquaintances and some friends think I’m eccentric.  I’m inclined to believe that they are correct.

 

Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.

At any rate, we’ll see what (if anything).  I sent her the letter and concluded with an offer for her to call me if she wishes to discuss anything.  This was the hardest part to do, because talking with her will probably rip my guts out…but the reality is that I think her goals and ambitions in life are admirable.

Often times, I bitch about society and the direction it is heading.  This woman I fell in love with is one of the people that has the ability to create the positive change we both wish to see in the world.   While an intimate relationship with her may not work out…at the very least wanted to end our relationship on good terms.  It is good practice to do so.

Pomodoro up.

Stay tuned.

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